This is a critical time in America. Many things are at risk and our greatest adversary might be our own ambivalence. This post is the first in a series of articles intended to start conversations and inspire action. Please pass it on.
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I believe fiercely in freedom. Freedom of thought, freedom of religion, freedom of speech. Freedom of self expression. Freedom of choice.
...Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand, a mighty woman with a torch whose flame is imprisoned lightening, and her name, Mother of Exiles...
I wasn't alive during the women's movement or desegregation so I don't know what the nation feels like when its human rights spirit swells to its full and mighty self. And I don't know what caused it to quiet and rest for decades as we ordered our straights not to ask and our gays not to tell.
I can feel America swelling. Gay rights is headlining the news with greater and greater frequency. Should a lesbian be a Boy Scout den mother? Should gays be protected under anti-discrimination laws? Should gays be allowed to marry? Should company benefits be extended to the spouses of gay employees?
For a long time I just shook my head and put down the paper or clicked to the next news story. I am ashamed. I cannot believe we are having these conversations as a nation.
But what do I contribute by shaking my head and turning away? My acceptance? My ambivalence? My permission?
...give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuge of your teeming shore...
For eighteen years DADT (Don't Ask Don't Tell) was the official policy of our military where closeted homosexuals were protected but openly gay members were not. From 1993 to 2011 we forced people to hide who they were. Formally in fact, as we enacted a law. We asked them to pretend they were something they were not. Women and blacks could never do that - they couldn't pretend they weren't black or that their gender was different, at least not for long - which is perhaps why their Constitutional amendments came much earlier than the gay rights one will.
...Send these the homeless, the tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!
The italic text in this article comes from a poem by Emma Lazarus called The New Colossus that adorns the Statue of Liberty. It embodies our national history, for this is the land people came to so they could be who they were without fear of persecution. In the 236 years since the Declaration of Independence was signed we have failed to overcome the prejudice and repression our very nation was created to abolish.
All men are created equal.
President Obama has announced plans to repeal the Defense Against Marriage Act that was signed into law in 1996. This law prevents same-sex partners from receiving spousal social security benefits as well as joint income tax filing. It's not really a life or death issue - no one will stop breathing because this law is in effect. But that it exists, that we formally and legally endorse inequality, erodes the spirit of America. It weakens her pulse and diminishes her strength.
We cannot be quiet on this issue any longer. Every one of us must be an active and vocal guardian of human rights in whatever large and small ways we can. The gay community deserves to be protected and acknowledged. They deserve the right to marry whomever they choose. It's not a religious issue. Its a human issue. It's about the right to be with and care for the people we love. We are all the same in this regard.
Find your voice.
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What can you do? Here are five simple actions you can take right now:
1. Forward this to your network. Start the conversation.
2. Speak your heart. Defend human rights in your everyday conversations.
3. Write to your senator and ask that the Defense Against Marriage Act be repealed.
4. Get informed. Do your own research on gay rights in America.
5. Share your actions here on The White Paper (thewpaper.blogspot.com) in response to this post - I will celebrate and cheer you on.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Saturday, February 18, 2012
The Most Important Resolution We Haven't Started
Thank goodness its February. As the calendar turns, so does the emphasis on weightloss programs.
It's somehow become a part of our culture that weight loss is at the top of our collective list of New Year's Resolutions. And it roars during the entire month of January. Gym specials, Jenny Craig commercials, cover stories in magazines and newspapers, billboards, direct mail, commercials on the sidebar of Facebook enticing you to find out how Rachael Ray lost 40 pounds. I raced into my gym one day to sneak in 30 minutes on the treadmill and I couldn't get through the lobby - it was full of people with clipboards signing up for gym memberships.
I don't have to quote a bunch of statistics for you to believe me that America is overweight. We have been for some time. That too is all over the news. But let me ground you in the truth - two out of every three adults are obese; one out of every three children is obese. It's an epidemic just like tuberculosis and influenza were in their time. And just like TB and influenze, it is spreading. Silently. The Center for Disease Control has a great map that chronicles the spread of obesity across our nation over the past 25 years. It will shock you. And the trend you will see has resulted in a vastly sicker nation. Diabetes, heart disease, depression, asthma...it goes on and on.
Clearly the billions of dollars spent marketing weightloss programs every January aren't working.
Why?
1. Our love affair with dieting is based on vanity, not improving our health. We use misguided motivation like a class reunion, a wedding, a party. We do it because we want to look good. Perhaps the most famous example of today is Kate Middleton's infamous diet before her wedding. She was perfect and beautiful before - now she is two sizes smaller. Does that make her more perfect and more beautiful?
2. We have grown impatient as a nation - we want silver bullets, not perscriptions for self-discipline. We staple our stomachs, binge and purge, eat cabbage soup for 11 days, and buy toning shoes designed to lift our back sides. We make these choices because we don't want to make deep and important changes in our livestyles; we'd rather sit on the couch and watch others do it on The Biggest Looser.
3. We are not building communities of support. I recently read a great book called Change or Die. Its single message is that in order to make great change in our lives we must establish a community of support. We must surround ourselves with people that can help us change and encourage us every day. I love Michelle Obama's Let's Move campaign to raise a healthier generation of kids. She calls for specific actions from parents, schools, community leaders, elected officials, chefs, healthcare providers and kids; in essence, she has drawn the circle around the support community for our children. What does that look like for our adults?
There is no silver bullet for a healthier nation. So many things are working against us - mass media, powerful marketing, the very way our grocery stores are stocked and arranged. The Value Meal, Big Gulps, our own automobiles. To turn it into a New Year's Resolution is cowardice. And not one of us should stand for it.
It's somehow become a part of our culture that weight loss is at the top of our collective list of New Year's Resolutions. And it roars during the entire month of January. Gym specials, Jenny Craig commercials, cover stories in magazines and newspapers, billboards, direct mail, commercials on the sidebar of Facebook enticing you to find out how Rachael Ray lost 40 pounds. I raced into my gym one day to sneak in 30 minutes on the treadmill and I couldn't get through the lobby - it was full of people with clipboards signing up for gym memberships.
I don't have to quote a bunch of statistics for you to believe me that America is overweight. We have been for some time. That too is all over the news. But let me ground you in the truth - two out of every three adults are obese; one out of every three children is obese. It's an epidemic just like tuberculosis and influenza were in their time. And just like TB and influenze, it is spreading. Silently. The Center for Disease Control has a great map that chronicles the spread of obesity across our nation over the past 25 years. It will shock you. And the trend you will see has resulted in a vastly sicker nation. Diabetes, heart disease, depression, asthma...it goes on and on.
Clearly the billions of dollars spent marketing weightloss programs every January aren't working.
Why?
1. Our love affair with dieting is based on vanity, not improving our health. We use misguided motivation like a class reunion, a wedding, a party. We do it because we want to look good. Perhaps the most famous example of today is Kate Middleton's infamous diet before her wedding. She was perfect and beautiful before - now she is two sizes smaller. Does that make her more perfect and more beautiful?
2. We have grown impatient as a nation - we want silver bullets, not perscriptions for self-discipline. We staple our stomachs, binge and purge, eat cabbage soup for 11 days, and buy toning shoes designed to lift our back sides. We make these choices because we don't want to make deep and important changes in our livestyles; we'd rather sit on the couch and watch others do it on The Biggest Looser.
3. We are not building communities of support. I recently read a great book called Change or Die. Its single message is that in order to make great change in our lives we must establish a community of support. We must surround ourselves with people that can help us change and encourage us every day. I love Michelle Obama's Let's Move campaign to raise a healthier generation of kids. She calls for specific actions from parents, schools, community leaders, elected officials, chefs, healthcare providers and kids; in essence, she has drawn the circle around the support community for our children. What does that look like for our adults?
There is no silver bullet for a healthier nation. So many things are working against us - mass media, powerful marketing, the very way our grocery stores are stocked and arranged. The Value Meal, Big Gulps, our own automobiles. To turn it into a New Year's Resolution is cowardice. And not one of us should stand for it.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Frogs and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails Instead of Victoria's Secret
Nearly every week a new Victoria's Secret catalog arrives at my door - sometimes two at a time! They are gorgeous magazines with beautiful women and luscious lingerie. I am a good customer and have drawers full of lovely items baring their brand. Last week I called their 800 number and asked to be removed from their mailing list.
It isn't that I am opposed to their marketing. In fact, I find it empowering and beautiful. I wish more women would be comfortable in their bodies. To see page after page of women with daring eyes and barely-clothed bodies is inspiring. Love yourself. Feel comfortable in your skin. Be bold. You are powerful. The subtle marketing messages leap off every page.
But I have two small children at my house. A young girl and boy whose tender ages do not allow an adult understanding of the material. My son studies the catalogs when they arrive - sometimes he carries them around and picks out his favorite beautiful women. "Momma, I like that one," he says as he shows me the magazine and points. He is in preschool. And how shall my first-grade daughter interpret the material? At this moment she loves herself, feels comfortable in her skin, and is bold and powerful. The messages in the magazine leap over the next ten years of her development and are out of place, confusing.
When I was in college I remember the catalogs arriving in huge stacks to sit on the coffee table in the entry of my sorority house (stacks arrived at the fraternity houses too!). We devoured them, soft porn filling the minds of youth. We wanted to emulate those models and used their influence to bend the boundaries of our dress. Looking back on it, I'm not sure I felt empowered - I think I felt measured. I felt the competition of glamour and beauty and it magnified the cracks in my own confidence. Even in my early 20s I didn't have the capacity to receive the Victoria Secret marketing in a healthy way.
As a mother it is interesting to look at the world through the eyes of a fierce protector. It's the same world I stumbled through, though never with the wisdom and perspective I now wear. In the safe space of our home I want to shepherd my children through the rings of time and exposure in a sequential order that matches their maturity. My ability to do this diminishes with each day they grow older.
For now, there will be no more Victoria's Secret catalogs in my house. Perhaps they will begin to arrive again when my children are in high school so we can talk about them in a healthy way while they are still at home.
And then again, maybe not.
It isn't that I am opposed to their marketing. In fact, I find it empowering and beautiful. I wish more women would be comfortable in their bodies. To see page after page of women with daring eyes and barely-clothed bodies is inspiring. Love yourself. Feel comfortable in your skin. Be bold. You are powerful. The subtle marketing messages leap off every page.
But I have two small children at my house. A young girl and boy whose tender ages do not allow an adult understanding of the material. My son studies the catalogs when they arrive - sometimes he carries them around and picks out his favorite beautiful women. "Momma, I like that one," he says as he shows me the magazine and points. He is in preschool. And how shall my first-grade daughter interpret the material? At this moment she loves herself, feels comfortable in her skin, and is bold and powerful. The messages in the magazine leap over the next ten years of her development and are out of place, confusing.
When I was in college I remember the catalogs arriving in huge stacks to sit on the coffee table in the entry of my sorority house (stacks arrived at the fraternity houses too!). We devoured them, soft porn filling the minds of youth. We wanted to emulate those models and used their influence to bend the boundaries of our dress. Looking back on it, I'm not sure I felt empowered - I think I felt measured. I felt the competition of glamour and beauty and it magnified the cracks in my own confidence. Even in my early 20s I didn't have the capacity to receive the Victoria Secret marketing in a healthy way.
As a mother it is interesting to look at the world through the eyes of a fierce protector. It's the same world I stumbled through, though never with the wisdom and perspective I now wear. In the safe space of our home I want to shepherd my children through the rings of time and exposure in a sequential order that matches their maturity. My ability to do this diminishes with each day they grow older.
For now, there will be no more Victoria's Secret catalogs in my house. Perhaps they will begin to arrive again when my children are in high school so we can talk about them in a healthy way while they are still at home.
And then again, maybe not.
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